Some people really stuggle with low self-esteem. Some are born with horrible assumptions about themselves. They believe they do not deserve to be loved. They believe they will never find true love. They reject others before they are rejected by them. They constantly search the environment for reasons to believe what they already know: they are worthless.
The slightest rejection experienced by such a person is traumatic because it affirms what they already believe. Their lives become self-fulfilling prophecies. They end up where they fear most--alone.
Such persons need to learn that not everything that happens around them is their fault, or even about them! (They tend to own every event.) This is a form of self-centeredness. The world does not revolve around us. Not everything that happens to us or others around us is our fault or about us! We should only accept appropriate guilt and let God and others own the rest.
If we struggle with low self-esteem, we should also see rejection as an event and not about us. Rejection is a normal part of life. It is an important part of the dating process and finding the correct mate for life. We should not allow the dating process to change us into a person we are not simply so others will accept us!
We need to learn that loving another person is always risky business because they can choose at anytime to reject us. And, it may not having anything to do with us. We should own the guilt that is appropriate, lick our wounds, grieve through the process, and move on to love again. Aloneness and cold-heartedness are not viable options. We MUST love again in spite of the risks. We must love genuinely and whole-heartedly, regardless the risk.
We must learn to love as love is defined in I Corinthians 13. We must open ourselves up to rejection as a normal part of living and especially dating. We must be honest with ourselves about our real faults. We must accept only others into a deep relationship with us that support us as we truly are and appreciate us for who we are.
Lastly, we must discover God. The God in scripture that can smooth out our rough edges and give us the proper perspective of ourselves as we exist in him--loved and forgiven because of what Christ did on the cross.
This is easy to say and teach. It is tough to live out every day. Especially in a world that does not act lovingly but selfishly. We must not allow the world to make us into its image but allow Christ to make us over into His image.
That's why we all need God's help. And, the support of God's family in true Christian community.
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Unfortunately, hurt people hurt people.
So we need to help people understand that their hurt can be a means of healing of others not a means of further injury.
Those are my thoughts.
One who struggles with self-esteem is deeply wounded and not necessarily by community. Their struggle is an inward struggle. They have a problem allowing anyone to love them for they truly feel unworthy. They are wounded easily by community because they are already beating themselves up. So, any legitimate criticism or perceived reject seems unbearable, unfair, and overwhelming. They need inner healing from a supernatural source. As Jesus said, "We love because we have been loved." When one is able to comprehend the depth of God's love for them then they are able to love "outside themselves." This is God's true love projected forth on all humanity. But, it's source is not outside but deep within the heart of a sinner who has been healed and given the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, "If anyone who is thirsty comes to me, I will give him living water and he will never thirst again." Also, in another place in John, Jesus says, "I will cause streams of living water to bubble forth from within..." He was speaking of the Holy Spirit.
We give to others from the abundance of overflow within ourselves. When we have insufficient amounts from God because we are not going to God everyday to get our supernatural joy, peace and self-esteem, we have nothing to give away to others. We must seek God and the Kingdom first, then all things will be added to us and we will have sufficient supply to give to others.
Joy and peace overflowing is possible to all those who trust in the Lord to supply them daily. He is our All in All!
I think you and I might have a different starting point. Are you saying people are born with a sense of inferiority?
I am of the opinion people are taught they are inferior, they are put down, neglected, abused, disregarded and hence, they feel worthless - the 'community' is their family of origin.
can you clairfy?
ron
I hope that explains it more fully. And, I welcome your point of view here.
There are many things in your post that I agree with but not that I was 'born that way.' I feel that I can speak quite well to this issue because of my personal life and the lives of many whom ihave worked with along the way including children.
I believe that children who learn 'conditional love' from their parents are those who grow up with this problem. From the time I can remember and I have a very good childhood memory I remember several of phases like this: How do you expect me to love you if you do that? or act like that? If you expect me to love you you need to change your attitude. You are such a slob - you are too skinny - you are too fat - how do expect anyone to ever love you or care about you. You are good for nothing - - - and I could go on. And I grew up in the home of a church deacon who did preaching from time to time of an eveangelical, fundamental church.
So was I born that way; no! I was born as a child that needed to be nurtured with unconditional love and told that I had some value in life. The good part of this story is I found a man who is my husband of 35 years who has patiently loved me and encouraged me in the healing process and helped me become the child of God I am today. And I also have been able to have a fairly good relationship with my family as well as my parents. God is good. Those are my thoughts, Theo. June
As to whether a person is born with low self-esteem, the jury is still out. It's a theory and not a known fact. Just one attempt to explain why we are the way we are. I do remember from a young age feeling very "unworthy" for this world. I do not remember my parents being excessively negative or harshly critical as you describe.
I am very blessed. I am so sorry your experience was not pleasant as a child. No child should have to hear that from their parents. What is wonderful is that God gives us the choice later as to how that will affect the rest of our lives. As Philippians 4:4-9 teaches, we can choose joy.
What a blessing! I choose joy!
That is my thought.
I got this email this morning and smiled. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could just INSTALL LOVE?
INSTALLING LOVE
Technical Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
If ONLY it could be so EASY. Wait a minute ... WHY can't it?
Hugggggggggggggggggz,
Taylor
The first thing I had to realize before God starting filling my life was my lack of the ability to love others and things. It came from being abused at a very early age. I couldn't love myself much less others as myself. God keeps reminding me that to receive love I must be loving and forgiving. Otherwise, I can't receive his love and forgiveness. Heaven knows I need that!
Making the most of living in the NOW,
Trusting God to show me how!
Huggggggggggggggz,
taylor