[This is not easy to admit. But, it is reality and I must live in reality. I desire the shadows no longer.]

I'm not by nature a very pleasant person. When God was not present inside me, I was very self-centered. I was very needy. For that reason, I was very demanding of others. I was not loving. In fact, I was almost incapable of giving and receiving love.

When God entered my heart, all that changed. When I finally admitted the truth that there is a God, he came into me. He changed me from the inside out! He blessed me. He did not harm me.

I began to seek him like never before. I began to study my Bible like never before. I became voracious in my appetite for him. I desired his presence more than I desired anything else! I wanted and needed him! I hated what I had become without him, pursuing selfish pleasures. I desired the peace and joy only he could bring into my life. I wanted that peace and joy that lasts more than ten or fifteen minutes. I needed it all day, everyday. He gave it to me as I stayed close to him.

When God came in my quiet times, nothing was the same. The world became a better place because I was a better person. He made me a better husband, father, man. I was more like him, loving, gentle and kind.

Yes, I have moments when I become afraid again. When I don't fully trust him enough to let him lead. But it doesn't take me long to come back again to him on my knees begging his forgiveness and asking him once more for his peace and joy. He comes. He’s always near. He's always ready to welcome me back.

He loves you very much. He desires you regardless whether you desire him or express a need for him. He keeps knocking on the door of your heart and asking if you will let him in.

That door is locked on the inside.