I left the house arguing with my wife again. Our marriage had reached critical mass. Where it would go from here was anyone's guess. We hadn't exactly turned ourselves and our marriage over to the Lord. We had been trying to use each other to meet our own needs and private agendas. We had made a marvelous mess of it all. It was time to get real. I had left the house to go to work. But, I found quickly that I couldn't work.

So, I picked her up from her work in the middle of the day. We drove to a secluded location to talk. We had to talk. The whole world had to stop or what was the use of going on? Nothing mattered at this point except resolving our marital problems. We were both hurting terribly. Everyone and everything else would have to wait.

I remember the words so clearly.

"If you knew who I truly was, you wouldn't love me or want to be married to me anymore."

She simply replied, "Try me."

That was the first day (and the first time in my life) I remember getting honest about who I was with anyone. We began to get honest with ourselves and then with each other. It wasn't easier immediately but we did begin making progress.

I believe every relationship, whether with God or a human, has to start at some point to get honest. Truth takes Satan out of the relationship. He hates truth and light. He runs from it. From that point on you can begin to deal with each other and start working on real problems.

Try it tonight with your spouse. Just try getting honest about one thing. But, remember, speak the truth in love and always first examine your motive. Sometimes absolute honesty can do more damage than good. Make certain that others will not be harmed by your ruthless honesty!

He sat opposite me. His head hung low. Tears flowed freely. I offered him a tissue. He wiped his tears on his sleeve.

“Why are you so upset?” I asked.

He looked out the window and sobbed,

“I want…I want it to be…to be like it used to be.”

"And how did it used to be?" I asked. He explained. I listened. Then, I brought him back to reality.

“You know now that wasn't real. You know she wasn't real. She was only pretending to be what you wanted her to be because she was afraid of losing you. She told you that. She also told you she is unwilling to pretend any longer. She is miserable being someone else. She is unwilling to lie to herself or you any longer. Knowing all this, will you still insist she lie?"

As reality began to sink in, I continued.

"You must accept who she is. She apologized to you for lying all this time. She apologized for pretending to be what she is not. We cannot go back. We must live here and now. The past life is over and done. Will you live with us in the present reality with those who still love you? Will you accept her real love or continue to insist on the pretense?”

The words hung like a fog. I let them hang there. Then, I went on.

“She can’t go back. You can’t expect her to go back. That person is dead. Grieve that if you must. But, eventually, come to grips with the fact it is gone. Live and love in reality. Accept her love because it is now coming from a pure and true heart.”

Eventually, he replied.

“I’ll try.”

Why do I believe I can create true happiness?

Why do I believe I am capable of producing supernatural joy?

Why do I think I can make another person love me?

Why do I think I am capable of loving God and others without first loving myself?

Why do I desire the company of others above the presence of God?

What is wrong wrong with me?

I must remind myself that God desires my praise above my sacrifice. I must remind myself that God desires my heart above my works of righteousness. I must remind myself that God desires me above anything I have to offer him.

God doesn't need me. He doesn't need anything I have to offer. He desires me! He desires my company.

He desires you!

You will never be as happy being anything other than whom God called you to be.

You will never be as happy doing anything other than what God called you to do.

Stop trying to please your father and mother. Stop trying to please your spouse. Stop trying to please yourself. Please God.

Be simply and only what God calls you to be. Do simply and only what God calls you to do.

"Take my yoke upon you and learn of me...for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Jesus

When did Christianity become passive? When did creating disciples, baptizing disciples and nurturing disciples become something an elite class of Christians do instead of something all Christians do? Also, when did worship become something done by few instead of all members coming to assembly prepared to participate as the Spirit determines among them?

Our cultural Christianity breeds passive worship. Step inside any modern church on Sunday and you will observe worshippers observing worship or vicariously worshipping through those paid to lead. Everyone sits in rows. Everyone faces forward. Everyone expects those on the stage to perform. Microphones and special lighting are used to enhance the spectator's experience. Only two or three actually are expected to contribute.

Is this the worship God desires? Does God want worshippers worshipping passively or vicariously through others? Are we not all encouraged to “prepare to share” in corporate worship? Are we not all commanded to speak to one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs? Are we not likewise commanded to take turns speaking as God moves among us and places messages on our hearts that will edify all and glorify him?

We train new disciples to be passive. We educate them in outdated public school style systems. Where are the mentors? What happened to actually taking new Christians into your home and nurturing them through their individual issues and addictions?

Instead we create a cultural Christian class that is dependent upon a few superstars elevated each Sunday onto podiums of praise while the average Christian is forced to receive only what these superstars are willing and capable of giving. These superstars may have little proven character. They may even lack actual spiritual maturity. But, they are lifted up among the masses as role models. By so doing, we teach others that character does not matter. We say what matters most is being a good singer, an excellent speaker or an accomplished performer! Those without these particular talents are made to appear less valuable to God and the church. What's up with that?

We need true Christian community. We need a family of believers who nurture and protect. We need mentors who actually themselves listen and follow the Spirit. We need them to teach others to do likewise. We need real leaders who walk among us, with us, through the valleys and along the mountaintops, encouraging us and not making us feel inferior.

We need to create a culture that values every individual and uses his unique talents and abilities. We need each Christian responsible to and accountable to each other. We need to return Christianity to a religion that is about relationships and true, heart-felt, individual and spontaneous, participatory Christian worship.