Dad literally put the fear of God (respect for authority) in me at an early age. He and mother loved me enough to discipline me, at times severely. The punishment fit the crime. When my disobedience bordered on rebellion then Dad’s firm hand effectively reined me in. It taught me self-discipline. Self-discipline kept me from destructive behaviors during my teen years and later in adult life. Dad’s firm discipline wasn’t pleasant at the time but it did finally yield the peaceful fruit of “right doing” in me. I shudder to think what I would have become without Dad’s influence as a good father and husband.

Regardless of all the discipline and Christian training he instilled in me as a child, I choose today how (or even whether) that training is going to affect me. I can reject all the training I received. This reality frightens most parents but, ultimately, each child decides to live responsibly or irresponsibly regardless how well or how poorly they are reared.

Not being responsible for the behavior of my children once they become adults does not relieve me of the duty to rear them responsibly while they are under my care. Early discipline training is important to form healthy, self-disciplined adults. It is not easy but it is essential.

There is no substitute for appropriate and effective discipline applied early and consistently. There is no substitute for two parents, one male and one female. There is no substitute for God.

She was a “giver.” She took care of everyone else’s needs. She was a great listener, sympathetic, and compassionate. She made everyone feel important. She married early and had several children. She seemed the perfect wife and mother. She looked like one of the most selfless persons you would ever encounter. Then, it happened.

Everyone was shocked! She divorced her husband. She abandoned all her responsibilities. She abandoned her children. She became self-absorbed. She started using everyone and everything. What happened?

In her best moments of giving, she was only doing so in order to get! She determined early in her life that no one was willing or able to meet her deepest needs. She decided to become a “giver” in an attempt to manipulate others into meeting her needs. It didn’t work, so she became a rapacious “taker.”

There is only one capable of meeting our deep need. He is willing. He is able. He is God.

My daughter had never met him. We were at the house of one of his fellow members. My daughter had come to meet our new friends. He was there that night. I noticed him speak to my daughter just before we headed out the door on our way back home. After we got in the truck she turned to me and asked, “Dad, who is that guy?”

I replied, “Oh, honey, that’s BN. He’s the one whose name God put on my heart that time when I was praying so hard for our house church situation. He's the reason we disbanded meeting in our home and worship now with this new fellowship. They were meeting in his home before they built their new building.”

“Well, he just walked up to me and gave me the answer to a prayer I have been praying for about two weeks. He doesn’t even know me. How did he do that?”

“Honey, BN does whatever God tells him to do. If he feels God put a personal message on his heart for someone, he doesn’t question it. He just walks up to them and delivers the message lovingly and gently. I, on the other hand, am still at the stage of questioning God, ‘Are you sure, Lord, that THIS is what you want me to say. Are you sure SHE is the person I am supposed to say it to.’ Not BN, he obeys when God speaks.”

“That was amazing,” she said, “because I really needed to hear that. It was straight from God.”

God is amazing. And, so is the heart of one who trusts God enough to obey when he commands.

I was in my room, praying again about the congregation. We had a house church meeting in our home back then. I was spending a lot of time talking to God about our situation. I wanted an answer. The group was quickly growing beyond the limits of our living room. We needed to split up, find a new location, or build a meeting house. It didn't matter to me. I just needed an answer!

I had already decided I wasn't going to run ahead of God with this. I made that mistake before. It cost a heavy price to my family. I wouldn't put them through that again. They had been through enough. I would wait for a clear answer. But I was growing more impatient with each passing week. (I don't wait well, on anyone.) The answer came. It wasn't what I expected.

In my room praying…a man's name. A name I knew. I had forgotten him. I had tried numerous times to recall his name. We met once years earlier when I visited at a Bible study in his home. A close friend had encouraged me to seek him him out. He said we had a lot of things in common. I was at a different "place" in my spiritual walk at that time. I didn't go back to his Bible study. I was perplexed. Why would God put his name in my mind at that time? It had to mean something. I wouldn't act on it until I had clarification. That came two days later.

My wife returned from work. She said, "You'll never guess who I met. I was at the local café this morning and got up to get me a refill on coffee. I walked over to a couple and offered to refill their cups. They asked if I had a church home. I told them we were meeting in our home. They said they were members also of a house church meeting in the home of (his name). But they were in the process of completing a new building. They invited us to join this new congregation they were forming."

That was it. I was supposed to call him. I had to find out about this new fellowship. His wife answered. She said they would complete the building soon. They were non-denominational. I should visit. I decided to go early one Sunday. I wanted to observe their services. They were doing exactly as we were in our home. Open meeting style. God had answered. He was saying we needed to join this new group of Christians in a brand new facility five miles down the road!

I wish I could tell you I obeyed him right then. I didn't. (Yes, I'm stubborn too.) This wasn't the answer I was seeking. I struggled along for another year. Finally, in agony again about our situation, I cried out once more. I had been crying out all year but no answers were forthcoming. Now, a year later, he answered again:

"Why do you keep bothering me with this. I gave you my answer a year ago. You didn't like it. It hasn't changed. Unite with the other fellowship. Or, do as you wish. You have my answer."

This time I obeyed. He was right. He's always right

She came in tears. She responded to one of my sermons, asking for forgiveness and prayers. It is the first time I remember God using me to deliver a private message. As she wept and the congregation prayed over her, I went to the Lord with my own inquiry:

“Lord, I’m not sure what to say to her. Should I say anything? Do you have anything you want me to say?”

Then I heard it. That still, small voice from deep within:

“Yes, tell her…”

The prayer was over and the service ended. Many of her fellow believers filed past to offer their own words of encouragement or a hug. I waited patiently. Then, they were gone. We were alone. I was very serious and direct:

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. If this is uncomfortable for you then I will say no more. I have a message I believe is from the Lord. Are you okay with this?”

She didn't hesitate but fired right back at me:

"Yes, if you have something that I need to hear then I want to hear it. Please tell me.”

“I’m not sure you will understand what I have to say," I replied, "The words make no sense to me. I am certain that if you keep your heart and mind open the meaning will be made clear by the end of this week.”

I related to her the exact words as I believed they were given to me. She was visibly humbled and said quietly:

“I know EXACTLY what that means. I needed to hear that. I understand. Thank you so much for telling me.”

I still haven’t a clue. She did. That’s all that mattered. It wasn’t for me. It was for her. It was a personal note from her Father.

He’s not a god of wood or stone. He’s Spirit. He's real. He’s personal. He cares.