How can I explain? How can I describe a love that goes from East to West and runs as deep as it is wide?

You know my heart. You read my posts. You see I have no magic formulas. There are no perfect families. There are no perfect relationships. There is no ten step program to better kids. There is no easy path to supernatural peace and supernatural power. There is no human, place or thing that provides this continual stream of supernatural joy God alone can give!

No earthly pleasure fulfills. No earthly pleasure sustains. No earthly passion lasts longer than the afterglow. Passions and pleasures are repeated constantly to be enjoyed constantly. When they cannot be found, and instantly gratified, we become agitated and miserable. We sell out our whole family for a brief fling! We sell our souls for what? One small, fleeting pleasure.

The woman at the well had many such flings. She was still as empty as her water jug. Jesus went directly for the heart.

“If you had known who I was, and the gift I bring, you would have asked and I would have given you living water…you would never thirst again.” (John 4)

We get thirsty for God and we use people. We use drugs. We use anything to avoid the pain of thirst for God. We hunger for him and an intimate relationship. Yet, we will do everything to avoid admitting our hunger is spiritual. We seek physical pleasure in an attempt to resolve our spiritual problems! We do all we can to avoid turning to God for all we need. We desire others above him. We seek pleasure, above him. We experience constant pain and misery because we refuse him.

The relationship we crave most is spiritual, not physical. The fulfillment we seek is not obtained from the local pusher on the corner. It cannot be purchased at the counter of a convenience store. It isn't convenient at all! It is not handed out by pastors at churches. It is not discovered lying at the bottom of a whiskey or pill bottle. It comes from God alone.

God gives freely what others die pursuing. God gives his gift to those who diligently seek him and know him personally. He gives his gift to those who are known by him.

This is a gift sought, not bought.

Scripture chronicles a defining moment in the life of Judas (John 13:2). Nothing will be the same after this night. Judas follows the Lord for over two years but continues to give audience to the Devil. In that upper room, Satan had already prompted his heart to betray the Christ. Judas obeys. It is a fatal error in judgment. Jesus sadly confesses later to the Father, “I have lost none of these you gave me, except one.”

We are servants of whom we obey. Satan is real threat. He has power to destroy us and our loved ones, if we listen to him. We need only be aware of God's voice and follow his, not Satan's. He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world.

If we accept that there is a “resident evil” in this world, then we must accept there is a resident good in us. This good is the power needed to live powerfully. This good overpowers sin and Satan. This good comes directly from Christ. This good is God in us.

If we are truly of God, we have God’s Spirit. Without God's help, we would be helpless and hopeless against the enemy.

Since we have hope and help, live and love powerfully. Live and love like God!

Could your people-pleasing side be constantly at odds with your independent side? Could this be the major cause of internal strife and some external strife? Let me explain.

You have a great need to serve and please others. Wonderful! You also have a need to be your own person, at times. Equally wonderful! Yet, you are constantly torn between the two. Your frustration with close relations comes because your “significant others” do not know where to draw the line. They do not know when they've "crossed the line" with you. THEY do not know because YOU do not yet know. Am I making any sense?

You must discover that "line". When you clearly define it for yourself, then you can clearly define it for others.

You need to reserve some time, energy, and money for yourself. Keep some back. It isn't selfish. Insist upon it! These significant others can fend for themselves while you take time off from serving. (Unless they are newborns and, if so, get a babysitter!) They aren’t helpless. If your significant others can’t go a day without you, your relationship isn’t healthy anyway! Are you getting the picture? The world will keep going one day without you to hold it up!

Maybe you want to be a doormat in specific areas. That’s fine. YOU decide what YOU can and are willing and able to do. You also decide when you’ve had enough! Discover the line and draw it! Here’s the kicker.

Once you draw it, you MUST defend it...EVERY TIME! Don't let anyone (not even your people-pleasing side) compromise your line! If you constantly move it, when others start whining and complaining about it being there, then it was useless to draw it in the first place. Because it means nothing. Allow your strong side to defend all necessary lines! DEMAND that others respect your lines!

No border or boundary is appreciated and respected that is not well defended. (There's your solution to the immigration problem!)

Appropriate borders, boundaries and limitations constantly define us to others and to ourselves. We are nothing without them. We get to define all lines that define US. God through the Holy Spirit keeps us from being too selfish. That's the Spirit's job. So, don't worry about being too tough with your lines. (If you are a true Christian who is listening closely to God.)

Listen more closely to God than you do to anyone else. Including yourself! NEVER compromise who you are in the Lord.

As a counselor, I hate these three words. There is no way to kill a session quicker than to answer every question with these words. If you don't know, how can you explain it to anyone else? How can you think about it? How can you pray specifically about it?

Maybe what you really mean is, “I haven’t given it much thought.” That’s fine. Just say that!

One of the most powerful weapons in Satan’s arsenal is ignorance. If he can cloud our thinking, or cause us to question our sanity, he has us. There is no greater ignorance than willful ignorance because these chains are voluntary!

So, give it some thought. Think through each emotion. Define it. Pray for wisdom and supernatural insight. Consider it seriously. Examine it thoughtfully and prayerfully. Strive to know. Stay aware of what is going on in you. Stay aware of what's going around you especially your relationships.

Stay vigilant. The Devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. You are easy prey if you are unsuspecting, naïve or ignorant!

Keep your wits about you. And, keep the Lord very near! He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world.

God has gifted women with wonderful insight. They see things, especially in relationships, that escape us. Admit it, guys. Females notice details better than most of us! They know instinctively things about which we don't have a clue!

If you want a closer relationship with a female, especially if she loves the Lord more than you, listen to her! Listen closely to what she has to say. Just because she takes a circuitous route in telling you doesn't mean it isn't important! Stay with her. There's a point. She just wants you to enjoy the trip with her in getting to it! STOP DISMISSING HER SO FLIPPANTLY! AND, STOP MAKING HER FEEL STUPID OR GUILTY FOR BRINGING IT UP!

Also, just because she brings it up doesn't mean you have to fix it! And, it isn't a personal affront to your manhood! So, drop the defensive posturing. It isn't impressive. Listening, now that's impressive! Get over yourself! Wake up to the fact that she knows what she is talking about when it comes to relationships, caring and nuturing others.

Forgive us, ladies. Most of us don't have a clue about what it takes to please you. You're going to have to fill us in...again! Let us in on the secret! Don't expect us to guess! We don't do hints well! We need straight up! Chances are you told us a hundred times, but make it a hundred and one. (Ok, hundred and two.)

Forgive us for being men! Especially forgive us for not being GENTLEmen. We're not all jerks. Some of us really want to learn how to be and do better.