For me, I had to be broken. I had to totally die to self. Once my self was completely dead and gone, God had to make me over totally into a new person from the inside out! He reformed me, he rebuilt me. Then, with my new heart, I could move out to form healthy relationships with others.

Death to self is so important in loving and healthy relationships. It has to be a true death to self. It can’t just be you denying your needs to make the other person happy. This is not a makeover. This is a lie. This is living in denial (de Nile is near a desert!)

Denial is often what has been going on for years when a couple comes for counseling. One partner denying how deeply painful the relationship has become for them. They often have been in deep pain for years. This pain has become so deep, denial so strong, that bitterness and resentment crusts over both hearts. It is very difficult to rebuild a relationship this crusty. Too many times, an affair has taken place or a wall has been built between them so high that I can't get either of them over it! Someone has to die!

If the one who had the affair was the partner who had been deferring their needs to make the other person happy, the affair often is simply a way for them to get revenge for their deep pain. Or, some OTHER person came along and promised to pay more attention to them, their deep needs, convinced them they could make them happier. In reality, trading partners is only trading one set of problems for a new set of problems. (You know it’s true!) Someone has to die!

If the one who had the affair was the partner who was taking advantage of the other’s sacrifices, the sacrificing partner is so damaged by this selfish act that “all the king’s horses and all the king’s men can’t put Humpty back together again!” Someone has to die.

One or both must die to self. When a person is truly broken and repaired by God, they have an abundance to give to the other person. They are not dependent on any human to feed them. They may still have some physical needs but their deep emotional needs are being met by God. This broken person is able to give to the other partner and requires less from them.

This is why I constantly stress FIRST getting a relationship right with God before attempting one with another human being.

What does it mean to be broken? It means one has experienced sufficient pain to realize that they need help from above. It means one realizes he cannot get his deep needs met by another person, only God. It means he realizes that God alone can fix a person and meet deep needs daily. It means he allows God to use his hands and own his heart. It means he moves daily to God’s heartbeat, allowing the Holy Spirit full control over His life. It means he is more capable of demonstrating (and experiencing) God’s supernatural love, power, peace, joy, patience, goodness, kindness and self-control.

If both persons are born from above, made totally over by God, you have a relationship as perfect as one can get this side of heaven.

Have that plastic surgery if you can afford it. But, don’t neglect the makeover “from above.” This one is absolutely free. Without Jesus and his makeover from above, you’re merely the same rotten ole person in a dying, made-up body!

Shedding innocent blood is wrong. God hates it. Should all nations make it legitimate, it would still be wrong!

Just because something is LEGAL to do does not make it RIGHT to do.

God recognizes ONLY the union of a male and female in holy matrimony. Governments and churches may recognize unions between males and males, females and dogs, but this would make neither less sick!

Abandon your deviant lifestyles and unnatural lusts. Take up your cross and follow Jesus, if you wish to have healthy relationships. If you do not, then stay captive to your ungodly lusts. Just don’t pass them off as healthy and normal.

Asking God to accept homosexual marriage is like asking God to approve of adulterous affairs! It’s like asking a healthy society to accept child abuse, rape, torture and murder. These behaviors CAN NEVER reflect what is good and decent. These CAN NEVER reflect God's true character and nature. God demands the homosexual leave his disgusting lifestyle.

Is God out of touch? Is God insensitive? Or, is it the homosexual who has the problem?

Be more supportive of my wife in assisting her with the children.

Spend more time rocking and singing to the babies.

Preach less and listen more.

Work less and play more.

Discipline more for disobedience and none for being a child.

Have more water balloon, pillow and food fights.

Allow each child a time to speak at dinner.

Eat more meals together and watch less television.

Allow the children to make more choices for themselves in areas that are not crucial nor life-threatening.

Spend more time with each of them, individually and specifically doing what they want to do.

Have more family meetings to praise accomplishments.

Play more games and spend more time camping.

Not wish away the time when the children are so demanding but cherish each moment realizing the importance of helping each child experience, discover and sense the presence of God.

Say more “I love you’s!” and more “I'm sorry’s”.

Relax more and enjoy being a parent.

It was a few years back. I was driving home from work one evening. It's about a twenty minute drive. By that time, I knew God well enough to just turn off the radio and enjoy his presence. I welcomed his company on my trips to and from work.

It was a typical South Texas evening. The sun was setting in the west but still quite bright. A few puffy white clouds floating high overhead in our aqua sky. (We don't get the brilliant blue sky many of you enjoy because of our proximity to the Gulf.)

God and I were enjoying each other's company when I noticed something interesting in the skies above the roadway ahead. Right at a forty-five degree angle above the northern horizon appeared a cloud. It was a cartoon shape...the perfect caricature head of Mickey Mouse!

I said, "God, you are SO funny!" He took me so by surprise that I actually burst out laughing. I guess I just never really thought of God having a humorous side. Maybe it was my strict religious training as a child.

I'm so glad now that I know God has a great sense of humor. Sometimes he is just downright hilarious!

Paul received a clear vision of a man calling him to preach in Macedonia. Paul had been inquiring of God. Several doors had closed in front of him. He needed to know which way to go. He needed a fresh move of the Spirit.

In Macedonia, he found a group of ladies worshipping on a river bank. One of these ladies, Lydia, a seller of purple, was converted with her household. This new group of Christians later made up the first church in Europe. They met regularly in Lydia's home. I bet they were glad Paul kept listening!

If it were me, with that vision, I would have been looking for a MAN in Macedonia, not women! Not because I'm sexist. I just get tunnel vision when I feel I have clear direction as to the way God would have me go. I don't keep my heart and mind open. I don't keep listening like Paul.

A dynamic relationship with God requires I have a willingness to constantly change my plans to suit God's will for my life.

It means I must constantly adjust to stay on the right road. It means I must never insist that God follow me down a road of my own choosing. It means I must constantly look and listen for him. It means I must stay tuned into HIS frequency. It means I must trust spirit over flesh.

If I do not, I find myself far up the road ahead of God; back behind; or, on a road that takes me entirely away from him. I don't want to be on THAT road again. Been there. Done that. I ain't going back.

Here I am, Lord. I'm listening again.