If you are in a relationship with a user and abuser, you need to ask yourself a simply question.

"What am I getting out of this relationship that is causing me to allow another person to use me?"

No one has the right to use and abuse you. The moment you realize someone else is using you, ask yourself what you are getting out of the relationship.

Using and abusing is not a healthy relationship! True friends do not use one another. True friends accept what is willfully given and what is healthy in a relationship. A true friend would neither use the other person nor allow themselves to be used (in an unhealthy way) by another person.

Keep your relationship healthy. If you are in an abusive relationship, stop the abuse today! Deny the user! Find someone who truly loves you. Find someone who will never use you. Do not enter an unhealthy relationship with a sick person. A relationship that starts unhealthy does not get better unless one or BOTH persons find God quickly!

After one discovers God, that person must stop using others and must stop allowing others to use them!

The couple came into my office expecting miracles. They were deeply wounded and horribly sad. They related a pitiful tale of tragic loss and pain. They wanted help and hope. They expected too much from me. So, I had to level with them.

“I’ve never repaired a broken relationship", I confessed. "I’ve never healed a broken heart. I cannot restore lost joy and lost hope. I cannot provide daily doses of supernatural peace. I’m not that good. I’m not that powerful. But, I do know Someone who can."

This earthquake unleashed deadly tidal waves on Asia. It was so powerful that the quake shook Earth to the core. Our planet wobbled on its axis. This 9.0-magnitude temblor that struck 250 km south-east of Sumatra island on a Sunday altered the regional map and the tsunamis that followed left more than 23,000 people dead in eight countries across Asia and as far away as Somalia. The International Red Cross estimated upwards of one million people were displaced by this single natural disaster.

This causes me to think. Are there personal earthquakes so powerful as to release destructive relational and emotional tsunamis sufficient to destroy faith and hope, families and marriages?

Of course. I have spent over twenty years in personal and family counseling. I have witnessed numerous personal earthquakes with equally destructive relational tsunamis where lives are destroyed and families are ripped apart by tragic events. I have seen persons and relationships so scarred by the relational tsunamis that follow these events that a lifetime of therapy can never fully repair the damage.

Personal tragic events are capable of shaking all relationships to the core. They can cause a marriage to wobble and fall off its axis. It can shake faith in God and faith in humanity. But emotional tremors do not have to lead to utter relational devastation of lives and relationships unless those things are built on shifting sands. There is solid rock available for all to build upon. Rock so solid that it will never fail!

We are all flawed to some degree. Relationships are equally flawed. We all make mistakes. Everyday we fail to live and love as we should. This causes great problems. It does not have to turn our hearts to stone.

Tragic events can happen to anyone. They can shake marriages and families. They do not have to leave us lifeless and loveless. Jesus died to provide a way for all to have full access to his supernatural power, joy, and peace.

There is nothing in the external world that can so shake me internally as to remove my supernatural peace and my supernatural joy.

God's is unchanging. God's love never fails. Me, on the other hand, I am vulnerable and wounded. My faith may waver and my relationships may “wobble” but I do not have to come apart at the seams by emotional or relational tsunamis. My faith and my family can be intact and secure. My faith and my relationships are built upon that which never fails!

Love like God. Live like God.

Someone once said something like this to me: "I don't desire wealth or recognition. I don't need a mansion. I just want a normal life."

What is a "normal" life? Is there such a creature?

When life happens, life can be horribly cruel. Terrible things can happen to us here, for several reasons. Let's look at some:

1) People can victimize and use us. Sweet and tender souls can be treated horribly simply because they are sweet and tender. There are people here who are not sweet and tender, they are cruel. Even children can be pitifully cruel to other precious children. Such is life.

2) This world and its natural forces like tornadoes, wildfires, and hurricanes can destroy lives and property. This is a violent place even if no man were present, regardless whether you are a Christian or not. Such is life.

3) Accidents happen. A building collapses and kills innocent person walking by on the street next to it. A tired college student falls asleep driving home for the weekend and kills himself and a family in the other car. You dive into a swimming hole and hit the bottom breaking your neck, paralyzing yourself for life! These things happen all the time and have nothing to do with anything else. It is simply an accident. We're all human. We cause great harm accidently to ourselves and sometimes to others from our careless actions. Such is life.

4) Satan always is at work here to destroy personal lives and relationships. We are in his territory, his domain. He wishes none of us good, only harm. He opposes all good. Without God's supernatural help and power, we CANNOT defeat him in our personal lives and relationships. Such is life.

5) We are part of a fallen race. Every relationship is flawed because there are two flawed persons in it, trying to hold it together. Flesh is weak. We fail to love each other as we should everyday! The law of sin is constantly at work in our members. We cannot defeat this law of sin without the greater law of the Spirit living, actively working in each of us. Such is life.

6) God opposes the proud and arrogant. Our arrogance, our open opposition to God working in our lives may bring God's wrath against us. We may not be fighting sin, Satan, or natural forces. We may be fighting God himself because he opposes all who are proud and arrogant. Or, God may simply leave us mercilessly at the hands of those who would harm us simply to help us see our great need of him. Life (and relationships) can be extremely tough with God on your side. They can be practically impossible without God in your corner. Such is life without God.

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Let's imagine you never suffer from natural disaster. Let's imagine that your life is relatively free from pain and accidents; Satan leaves you alone; you marry someone basically good and moral who treats you decently; and, that you live to be 100 years old!

You still must one day face death. You must then face God in judgment and give him an account of your life. Without God, there is no hope beyond this life. You will stand before him in your sin. You will lose your soul for an eternity. You will no longer be in a pleasant place. You had your reward here. You will get NONE there because your sin is not covered by the blood of Jesus! God will not be mocked. God MUST punish sin! His justice demands it. What will your good life be then and there in comparison to an eternity without him?

God alone grants eternal life. Eternal life is possible only through knowing Jesus and him knowing you!

In comparison to eternity, your existence here is a blip on the radar screen, a mere hiccup.

So, the point is not a great, pain-free and normal life here. The point is a life here that glorifies God and Jesus Christ! The point here is living pleasing to him, loving to yourself and others, because you know you have an eternity to enjoy with him and others who love him, over there!

When we realize life here is not about us, we will begin to truly live! When we begin to truly live, we will begin to truly love ourselves, God, and others because we have the correct perspective on life. Regardless what happens to us here, the harm that living may bring to us, we still truly live because he lives in us!

That, my friend, brings true joy and peace. That is what we are all truly seeking! I thought it was time someone who loves you told you the truth about life!

After many years of counseling, I believe the number one mistake a woman makes with her man is that she does not appreciate fully who he is as a man and what he is providing.

Man is a provider. Most men see their actions as acts of love. Many men are not verbal in their expressions of affection. They are very poor communicators of emotion and feelings. They show love by actions. And, because of this, they are often perceived as unloving and uncaring even though they may be providing all the physical necessities for life: food, clothing, and shelter.

To some degree, men have to remain above their feelings. Men cannot be expected to function well on feelings alone. If so, they would get little accomplished. Rising above their feelings, removing themselves emotionally from a situation, often allows them to carry tremendous responsibilities and endure enormous pressures so as to perform duties and responsibilities. They do not get appreciation enough for this fact. They often cannot understand why their woman is not satisfied with what they can provide. To them, she is often viewed as constantly demanding more. This leaves them frustrated. Many simply give up trying to satisfy her!

Ladies can give me a hundred reasons why a man being like this does not fulfill them emotionally. And, each reason is often valid. Regardless, this is how men are built. This doesn’t mean men can’t learn to get in touch with their sensitive and emotional side. But, frankly, if a man stays there very long he cannot survive and FEELS less of a man. Do you want a man or a wimp?

Learn to appreciate the female. Learn to appreciate the male. Learn to appreciate what each brings to a relationship. This is the greatest challenge in relationships: learning to appreciate what each can contribute.

Encourage your spouse to be all they can be, in the Lord. This is when you will find them happiest and most fulfilled in what they are doing. This may still leave you empty and unfulfilled to some degree. That is why you must rely most on the Lord and allow him to meet your deepest needs. With him, you become less demanding of your spouse.

Love is not being so needy. Love is not being so demanding. Love is assisting the other person in achieving their goals, wishes and dreams.